Is EMDR Difficult?
EMDR isn’t “difficult” in the sense of being unsafe or unmanageable. It can be emotional, because it asks you to revisit painful memories so the brain can reprocess them. Avoiding pain can feel easier day-to-day, but EMDR helps release the pressure that builds when trauma stays unresolved.What is EMDR in simple terms?
EMDR is a therapy that helps your brain make sense of (process) overwhelming experiences, so they stop feeling so raw and painful in the here and now. It doesn’t erase memories, and it is not hypnosis, but it does reduce the distress linked to painful memories and experiences. EMDR is a structured therapy that will ask you to move or stimulate each side of your body in turn (bilateral stimulation like moving eyes from left to right, or up and down, tapping your hands turn by turn, or listening to sounds) to help the brain work through and re-sort distressing experiences so they feel less overwhelming and no longer “stuck” in the present.What Can Feel Hard About EMDR
It’s normal to wonder if EMDR will be too much. Here are some areas that can feel challenging — with examples:- Facing painful memories (e.g. a car accident that still makes you avoid driving, a childhood humiliation that surfaces in work meetings, a medical procedure that left you panicked about hospitals).
- Feeling emotions in the room (e.g. sudden tears when talking about a breakup, anger rising when recalling bullying, fear when describing a traumatic birth).
- Trusting the process (e.g. following eye movements while remembering an assault feels unfamiliar, wondering “how can this help?”).
- Letting go of control (e.g. fearing you’ll break down during a session, worrying you’ll say too much, feeling uneasy about not holding everything in).
The Benefits and Drawbacks of Avoiding Pain
Many people manage distress by not going near it. That can help, but it comes at a cost.
Benefits of avoidance (short term)
- Keeps life ticking — you can get on with work, parenting, daily tasks.
- Offers a sense of control — “If I don’t think about it, it can’t hurt me.”
- Protects you from being flooded when you don’t yet have support.
Example: Someone avoids looking at old photos after a bereavement. It helps them function, but the grief sits just under the surface.
Drawbacks of avoidance (long term)
- Builds pressure: Unprocessed memories often resurface as anxiety, irritability, or physical tension.
- Overreactions: Small triggers can spark big responses.
- Blocks growth: Relationships, confidence, and career opportunities can feel limited.
Example: A client avoids speaking up at work to dodge conflict. Later, they find themselves paralysed when challenged by a colleague — not because of the present moment, but because old memories are still raw.
The Benefits and Drawbacks of Facing Pain
So what happens if you face the memories instead of avoiding them?
Benefits of facing pain:
- Release: Processing the memory reduces its emotional sting.
- Integration: You can think about the past without reliving it.
- Freedom: Triggers lose their grip, letting you live with more ease.
Example: After EMDR, someone who once froze during presentations can stand up at work and speak calmly.
Drawbacks of facing pain (short term):
- It can stir up strong feelings in the room.
- You may feel tired, emotional, or unsettled for a day or two.
- It takes courage — you’re choosing to go toward what hurts.
Sometimes people want to face things a bit more head-on, even in a shorter timeframe, which is why some choose to do a deep dive with an EMDR intensive.
Why EMDR Is Built for Safety
EMDR is not about throwing you into the deep end. It’s about pacing. You always have the option to slow down or stop.
- Preparation first: Before touching memories, you practise grounding — things like calm imagery, safe place, bilateral music.
- You stay in charge: You choose what to work on, and you can pause at any point.
- Structured protocol: Therapists follow eight clear phases for pacing and containment.
- Reprocessing, not reliving: The memory arises, but bilateral stimulation helps the brain store it differently — less raw, more “in the past.”
The Paradox: Hard in the Moment, Healing Over Time
Yes, EMDR can be emotional. But many clients describe it as worth it.
- In the moment: tears, tiredness, or vivid dreams can follow sessions.
- In the long run: the memories lose their power. They remain part of your story but no longer dictate your present.
Example: Someone who couldn’t walk into a hospital without panic later found they could attend appointments calmly, after reprocessing a frightening past procedure.
| Avoiding Pain |
| Lets you get through the day without being flooded. |
| Offers short-term control (“If I don’t think about it, it can’t hurt me”). |
| Protects you when you don’t yet have support. |
| Pressure builds up under the surface — anxiety, irritability, physical tension. |
| Keeps life smaller: avoiding triggers, shrinking opportunities. |
Facing Pain with EMDR |
Gives you a safe way to process rather than push down memories. |
Brings long-term relief — the memory loses its sting. |
Builds resilience — you learn you can handle emotions safely. |
Releases pressure — less emotional reactivity, calmer body. |
Opens life up: more freedom, confidence, and growth. |
Frequently Asked Questions EMDR
Yes, when practised by a trained EMDR clinician. It may bring up strong emotions, but safety is built into the protocol.
Yes. Platforms like Bilateral Base make online EMDR effective and secure, as long as you have a private space.
Yes. With the right preparation and safety plan, online EMDR intensives can be just as effective as in-person therapy. Dr Kaur offers online EMDR effectively with all of her clients.
Some people feel tired or emotionally tender in the days after an intensive. This is a normal response to deep processing and longer hours of processing. Your EMDR therapist will provide follow-up support and strategies to help you feel steady.
Some issues resolve within a few sessions; others take longer. Intensive formats (like EMDR intensives) allow you to process more quickly.
Final Thoughts
So, is EMDR difficult? Sometimes — but it’s a managed, therapeutic difficulty, not a destructive one. Avoidance can keep life ticking along, but it also builds pressure. Facing pain through EMDR offers the chance to release that pressure, gently and safely.
If you’re curious about EMDR and want to explore whether it’s right for you, get in touch. You won’t be pushed faster than you’re ready to go. Together we can prepare so the process feels safe, supported, and effective.
Considering an EMDR intensive? Explore my Complete Guide to EMDR Intensives or book a consultation to see whether this approach could support your recovery.
References
- EMDR International Association. What Is EMDR?
- Shapiro, F. (2001). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures. (Foundational EMDR text.)
- NHS UK. EMDR Therapy Overview
