Why Is It So Hard to Feel Happy?

Why Is It So Hard to Feel Happy?

There are times when happiness feels out of reach – even when nothing obvious is “wrong.” You might be functioning, working, socialising, yet feeling flat, disconnected or quietly exhausted.

In a world shaped by uncertainty – global instability, rising costs of living, constant news cycles – it can feel difficult to access joy. And alongside those external pressures, many of us are also carrying personal stress, unresolved emotions, or long-standing patterns that quietly drain our energy.

March 20^th is International Day of Happiness, designed to celebrate and recognise the importance of happiness in our everyday lives. It can, however, be hard to be happy or find happiness, especially in light of global events such as the pandemic, global warmings, increased costs of living and conflicts between nations. On top of these external events which we have no control over, many of us may also find that the complications in our own lives do not stop and continue to manifest despite our stress levels already being at their limit. This can make it difficult to recognise those elements and aspects of our lives which do make us happy or joyful. Attempting to reflect or meditate on happy or positive things or people in our lives, as a lot of insta-therapy posts suggest, can feel too hard as it can feel as though there is little to be positive about.

Our brains are wired to look for the negative

Psychologists use the term negativity bias to describe our mind’s tendency to focus more on threat than on safety.

This bias developed as a survival mechanism. Our ancestors needed to scan for danger to stay alive. The problem is that our brains have not fully adapted to modern life. They can react to emails, headlines or social situations as though they are threats, even when they are not.

When we are stressed, tired or overwhelmed, this bias becomes stronger. The mind narrows. It searches for what is wrong. And happiness becomes harder to feel — not because you are failing, but because your nervous system is activated.

It is important to try to change this negativity bias by:

1. Focussing on what is actually happening in your life currently and objectively
2. Focussing on the positives that do exist.

Focussing on the small things that make our lives a little better can be extremely powerful, especially during those moments when you feel as though there is little to appreciate.

The pursuit of happiness

Established by the United Nations General Assembly in 2012, the International Day of Happiness is a quietly important celebration during these unprecedented moments in human history.

The pursuit of happiness is recognised by the UN as a fundamental human goal, also recognised in the US constitution. But it is perhaps interesting to note that it is the pursuit that is recognised, and not simply happiness in and of itself. This notion can also be problematic, considering we attain happiness from meaningful action, rather than it being something that we can drink from the source of. Happiness is therefore to be created through action towards meaningful goals which should be aligned with a values a person has.

For example, if a person values meaningful connections, then pursuit towards maintaining relationships through frequent contact and shared activities would be the goals to focus on. Whilst this goal in particular became extremely difficult to focus on during lock down, people found themselves exploring new ways of connecting to sources of happiness through new activities and self focus. At a time when the external world seems increasingly unpredictable, find links to what is important to create positivity in your internal world. This will take trial and error and it will mean giving new things a go. After all, if you don’t try, you will never know.

The important thing is to define happiness according to your own definition, not one which has been constructed for you. It might also be worth exploring whether happiness is the true goal, or whether your true aim is to feel peace or contentment. It might be worth thinking about the word happiness and brainstorming where you have formed your ideas about happiness from to get a better understanding about whether you or someone else has defined this term for you.

Are you experiencing prolonged periods of unhappiness, stress or anxiety?

If you have been experiencing prolonged periods of unhappiness, stress or anxiety, it may be a sign that your nervous system is under sustained pressure. Psychological support can help you understand what is happening beneath the surface and begin to shift patterns that feel stuck.

You can explore the different areas of support offered on the Services page, or learn more about the therapeutic approaches available – including EMDR, CBT and compassion-focused therapy – on the Therapies page.