Understanding Matrescence in Modern British Motherhood
For working mothers, the balancing act is constant and demanding. Juggling professional responsibilities, household chores, childcare duties, and personal aspirations often leaves little time for self-reflection or self-care. In all of this, imposter syndrome can easily creep in, casting doubts on one’s competence, worthiness, and even capacity to love and be loved. All this, along the journey of becoming a mother to a growing child, requires different levels of need and attention at each stage of their life. This concept of matrescence I would argue not only occurs in the physical, emotional, and psychological changes that occur after childbirth but continues to occur as children grow and change. Each change in the child requires a different version of motherhood and that means a different stage of womanhood.
Imposter syndrome, characterised by persistent feelings of inadequacy and fear of being exposed as fraud despite evidence of competence, affects countless women, regardless of their professional achievements or personal successes. For working mums, the pressure to excel both in their careers and their roles as mothers to children who require different versions of their mother at different points in their lives can catapult these feelings of self-doubt to the highest of heights. Just when we as mums get used to being a certain version of ourselves, our children’s needs change and we must keep on running to keep up with the changes. It can constantly feel like a game of catch-up when the starting point is blurry to begin with. Add work and the demands of a profession or business to the mix and self-doubt is ready for a party with our nerves.
It’s so easy to feel inadequate and not up to scratch, and to have fears of being “found out” or rejected by important people around us including our partners, children, loved ones, peers, colleagues or friends. With self-doubt living in the mind rent-free, it might seem sensible to increase ways of preventing mistakes such as over-preparing at work or staying quiet rather than talking up in meetings. Likewise at home, trying to maintain an Instagram-ready living space or micromanaging or overcommitting to activities for their children. This is a sure-fire way to burnout though, as perfectionism and fear of failure are the guiding forces over self-compassion, acceptance of this stage of life as a bit cluttered and realistic standards . Engaging in these and other self-punishing behaviours can easily fuel self-doubt and comparison-itus. It’s easy to make the baseline of how well we’re doing a comparison to how other working mums are doing. The problem is you only see the outer level which most of the time will make you believe that they have it all sorted and it is just you who struggles.
Practical Strategies to Overcome Imposter Syndrome During Matrescence
- Break the silence – First and foremost, it’s crucial to recognise that imposter syndrome thrives in silence and isolation. By acknowledging and openly discussing these feelings with trusted loved ones or mental health professionals, working mums can begin to dismantle the barriers that imposter syndrome builds.
- Cultivate self-compassion – Self-compassion is essential on this journey. Working mums often hold themselves to impossibly high standards, berating themselves for any perceived shortcomings or mistakes. Yes, these high standards are created around us by society, family and friends in some cases unfortunately, but an essential part of navigating matrescence is learning to listen to your own internal wise voice. If it’s not there yet, cultivate it by asking yourself, what would my wise mind say about this? By practising self-compassion — treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially in times of struggle or perceived failure — women can begin to counteract the negative most often real external talk and internal self-talk that fuels imposter syndrome.
- Embrace growth opportunities – motherhood is going to impact one important aspect of imposter syndrome – the ability or desire to control everything, especially when our little ones are teeny-tiny. Being prepared to engage with perceived failures or setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning can be transformative. This reframe will be an essential life skill to fine-tune if managing your inner imposter is your goal. Instead of viewing challenges at home and work as evidence of incompetence or unworthiness, working mums can try to see them as learning points that contribute to their personal and professional development towards their inner wise self.
- Build a support network – building a supportive network of peers, mentors, and allies can provide invaluable validation and encouragement. Surrounding oneself with individuals who uplift and affirm one’s worth can help combat the feelings of isolation and inadequacy that often accompany imposter syndrome. Connect with other working mums, find mentors in your field and cultivate relationships with supportive colleagues.
- Prioritise Self-Care – Lastly, one of the hardest things to do as a working mum is prioritising self-care and carving out time for activities that bring joy, fulfilment, and relaxation. This is essential for maintaining emotional well-being, giving yourself time to digest the ever-changing landscape of motherhood and creating those pockets of pause to soak up the learning so far on your journey. Whether practising mindfulness, engaging in creative pursuits, spending quality time with loved ones, or journaling, self-care is not a luxury but a necessity, especially for working mums navigating the complexities of imposter syndrome.
Moving Forward
Does this resonate with you? If these thoughts or feelings hit close to home, you're not alone.
If you’re looking for support with Imposter Syndrome, why not reach out to Dr. Kaur today? You can book a free 15-minute consultation or request an appointment — it’s an easy first step.
Remember, you are not defined by your challenges, but by the strength and resilience you show as you move through them. Embrace your journey, embrace your truth, and know that healing is possible. We’re here to help you along the way.
